Office Wardrobe Rules I Will Die On

Well, “die on” might be a little bit of an overstatement, because even I can recognize there is nuance here. Regardless, I feel damn strong about how people should dress in an office setting, and I’m itching to share these views with the world and am ready for your judgement.

Disclaimer: what follows is what some might consider a heteronormative, patriarchal, wildly outdated view on how one should present themselves in the work place. I have no qualifications to be making these rules, and I couldn’t tell you who or what influenced me to land on these perspectives.

I just know I have opinions.

These rules are meant for women who work in an office. They aren’t hard and fast, but they are a good starting point if your office dress code is the ever-ambiguous “business casual.”

Cover Your Damn Feet

And I don’t just mean “don’t wear flip-flops to the office.” I mean no open-toed shoes, period. Call me brutal, but I settled on this perspective when I noticed how little I’d appreciate it if men wore open-toed shoes to the office. It just wouldn’t appear right.

Put Your Hair Up

This might be my meanest rule. But I’m confessing it anyway. To be crystal clear: I don’t think that hair down is a sign of unprofessionalism. But I do think that pulling long hair up is a helpful way to make an outfit look more complete, or subtly signal to others that you spent a pinch more time on how you look. You may notice that AOC often wears her hair down, and she’s a bad ass at her job. Obviously, this rule is my most breakable.

Hide Your Pits

Like my shoes rule, I settled on this perspective when I thought how much I wouldn’t like seeing a male coworker’s armpits. It’s rough when it’s hot, I know. And I’ll even admit I have a few blouses with pit views. But think about how put together a man looks when he has his suit jacket on; throwing a blazer over a sleeveless blouse is such an easy way to achieve the same thing.

Keep a Knee-or-Below Hemline

…even while you’re sitting.

Express Personality with Caution

Blue hair could be okay, but you have to read your audience. The trick is to maintain the message of “I’m here to do my job to the best of my ability, and I’d like to be taken seriously.” What’s the vibe like in your office? Who are your clients? What might fly in one office culture might not fly in another.

Dress for Your Boss’s Job

“Dress for the job you want” is not helpful advice if your dream job is working as a pajama model. Even if you don’t want your boss’s job, you can use this rule to gain more respect. When you present yourself as a professional, the first impression people have of you is you know what you’re talking about.

Don’t. Wear. Sweatpants.

I know you know this. But I had an intern once who evidently didn’t, and I’m hoping she reads this.