Office Wardrobe Hills I Will Die On

Well, “die on” might be a little bit of an overstatement, because even I can recognize there is nuance here. Regardless, I feel damn strong about how people should dress in an office setting, and I’m itching to share these views with the world and am ready for your judgement.

Disclaimer: what follows is what some might consider a heteronormative, patriarchal, wildly outdated view on how one should present themselves in the work place. I have no qualifications to be making these rules, and I couldn’t tell you who or what influenced me to land on these perspectives.

I just know I have opinions.

These rules are meant for women who work in an office. They aren’t hard and fast, but they are a good starting point if your office dress code is the ever-ambiguous “business casual.”

Cover Your Damn Feet

And I don’t just mean “don’t wear flip-flops to the office.” I mean no open-toed shoes, period. Call me brutal, but I don’t want to see your toes.

Put Your Hair Up

This might be my meanest rule. But I’m confessing it anyway. To be crystal clear: I don’t think that hair down is a sign of unprofessionalism. But I do think that pulling long hair up is a helpful way to make an outfit look more complete, if I want the help. You may notice that AOC often wears her hair down, and she’s a bad ass at her job. Obviously, this rule is super breakable.

Hide Your Pits

Armpits are gross. It’s rough when it’s hot, I know. And I’ll even admit I have a few blouses that violate this rule.

Keep a Knee-or-Below Hemline

…even while you’re sitting.

Express Personality with Caution

Blue hair could be okay, but you have to read your audience. The trick is to maintain the message of “I’m here to do my job to the best of my ability, and I’d like to be taken seriously.” What’s the vibe like in your office? Who are your clients? What might fly in one office culture might not fly in another.

Dress for Your Boss’s Job

“Dress for the job you want” is not helpful advice if your dream job is working as a pajama model.

Don’t. Wear. Sweatpants.

I know you know this. But I had an intern once who evidently didn’t, and I’m hoping she reads this.