How My Wedding Will Go

How My Wedding Will Go

First off, I am not engaged, nor do I have any plans of being engaged any time soon. But I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about my wedding. I’d say that pretty much all of the following are non-negotiable:

Cheap is key. I have never dreamed of a white dress that costs more than any one of my student loans, nor have I dreamed of asking my parents to pull from their retirement to pay for a few hours of my life that people will forget.

By the same token, I do not expect a diamond. Diamonds work for some, and for others they are boring, overpriced stones and the purchase of them supports an irresponsible industry. I am not opposed to a ring, but there will be no diamond in it. There might not even be a stone in it.

A church? A white dress? Bridesmaids? My wedding will go slightly different than my brother and sister-in-law’s.

I would like my wedding to be so nonchalant that it makes you nervous for my life choices. We’re talking jeans and t-shirts in a court house. However, I understand that the purpose of a big wedding ceremony is not for me and is really for loved ones to celebrate this significant event in my life, and so I’m willing to compromise with said loved ones: you’re invited to join us at the court house.

Kidding. But for reals, I cringe at the thought of renting a venue, and it certainly wouldn’t be in a church. I suppose the location depends on where I’m living at the time and where my life partner is from. It is very possible that we could get hitched in one place, and have a reception across the world where our families live.

The person marrying us will not be an ordained minister. I imagine it would be a good mutual friend of ours. If we cannot pick a friend, then we’ll rent an elected official.

I will keep my last name, though I do not subsequently expect my partner to take mine. Should we have children we will think of a compromise between our last names. There is no getting around this one.

I will not wear white. I will not spend lots of money on my outfit. Again, jeans and a tee work fine for me, but for the satisfaction of my parents I might get a little fancier.

La Tolteca will cater the reception. If my partner wants something else, that food will be served behind the enchiladas. For those who know that enchiladas are not on La Tolteca’s catering menu: if we were able to convince them to cater enchiladas for my high school graduation, they will cater them for my wedding.

There is a good chance there will be a bounce house at my wedding, and that my partner and I will go down the inflatable slide together.

I will not have bridesmaids nor bridesmen. My partner can have whatever they like.

Wedding invitations will be designed by me because I am far too proud/stubborn to fill in some template. The only exception to this is if my partner is a better designer than me.

In short, the big day will be anything but traditional, because I simply don’t value most wedding traditions. I understand that other people do value those things, and that is all fine and dandy. I just won’t marry those people. I will not spend, nor will I ask others to spend, lots of money on my wedding day, because a big event is about as important to me as walking at my college graduation ceremony. Hint: I didn’t.


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