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On Marriage and Pregnancy

September 23, 2012

It’s a beautiful day, I look fantastic, and Mark and Katy are sitting on either side of me looking extra studious. I’m in the village library right now and have an incredibly strong desire to make a blog post. I should really write something so I can appear to match their studiousness.

So I’ve decided to rant about the people I know who are married or pregnant (or both?) and are close to my own age. What are you thinking? I have no money right now because I’m in school, and I’m in school because I want to have a job that will contribute more to the world than a quality Big Mac. I work two jobs and still cannot support myself entirely. No way can I bring a kid into the world. How did this happen to you? Was it an accident? Are you against abortion? Was it planned? Do you think this child will fill a void in your life? How can you afford to take care of yourself and your offspring? Diapers, childcare, baby food… do you have rich parents? Are you sleeping with a CEO of a Fortune-500?

Before you decide to contribute a beautiful, bouncing, baby to the universe, I’ve devised a checklist for you to consider:

  • Do you have a well-off extended family that will help you financially or emotionally?
  • Do you have some idea of how you will avoid a lifetime of debt?

…ok that’s pretty much it for the checklist.

And to those of you who are married and are my age(ish): the fuck? You’re a kid. Go live your life and travel more than 50 miles outside your parents’ house. Go fall in love with lots of people. Go break a few hearts. Go do everything except get pregnant.

To everyone my age: Start saving your money. We’re responsible for previous generations’ economic mistakes…don’t fuck it up more. Don’t create lots of debt for yourself. If you meet someone who wows the pants off of you, what’s the rush to marry or reproduce with that person?

Call me a bitter, unmarried hag…but hey, I’m happy. I wake up in the morning, look at myself, and say “hey, I’m one good-looking and well-loved devil.” I’m only in debt because of my student loans, I have the freedom to up and travel anywhere I want, and I don’t have stretch marks. Woo hoo!

Now I’m not saying that everyone under the age of 23 who is married or is a parent/parent-to-be is a sucky human. By all means, that is not what I’m saying. I just think there are many who do not think some major decisions through. I am in a place that leaves me dumbfounded at the thought of marriage or pregnancy. It’s like your life stops wherever you are when you say “I do” or “ya, I think I’ll reproduce today.”

Nikki, Emilee, and many other close friends who hopefully know who they are: I love you and your spouses and your babies/future babies. Disregard this post and keep reproducing because you’re good humans that I want more of.