I did something really exciting today. I won’t tell you what it is, because I’ve been on this kick lately where I get extremely excited about big life choices and for one reason or another it doesn’t work out. But just know that that’s where my brain is right now.
I’m actually extremely tired of that. I’ve been coasting for quite some time now, and I felt like I haven’t had much control over a lot of things. That’s what part of today’s action was about: moving forward. Taking one small step for woman, but one grand jete for womankind.
Anywho, I have some reflections and goals re: life. Are you ready to read those thoughts? Cause they’re a comin’.
I’ve gotten a good deal better at untangling my emotions, but there is still work to be done. There are still some unresolved issues on the plate that hit me as nightmares several times a week (or night), but I think I’m getting at least a little better at coping with those. My subconscious likes to emphasize one phase of my life over and over again and replay it most nights. Which isn’t fun. I definitely need to keep working on figuring out what to do with those conflicts.
I also have recently realized that I’m in my “gap” time right now. For most, it’s a gap year. Maybe it will also be a full year for me, but who knows? I wasn’t sure what to expect when I arrived in Austin, but I’ve recently figured out that Austin is here just to hold me over for a while. I mean, waiting tables at a sports bar is actually really, really fun, but I know I won’t be doing it forever. There’s a romantic but still unsettling notion to the idea that I can just pick up and go whenever I feel like it. Hence the big event referenced earlier.
In the past year, I’ve also gotten a good deal better at being a healthy human being. To those who knew me in high school and college: you really need to see how clear my skin is right now. I’m also really happy with my weight. I still need to work on reminding myself that I don’t actually need to drop any more pounds, as well as reminding myself that cookies and French fries does not a healthy dinner make. But we’re getting there. I’m also thinking about getting back into dance. Whose up for partner dancing with me?
In general, I’m really excited about being 23. I think odd ages are better than even ages. I think 23 is when the rest of the world starts taking me more seriously. And I think that I’m really, really excited for what’s to come.